christmas and an identity crisis

I’ve spent the last 48 hours celebrating with several different groups of people, letting them feed me delicious food and ply me with alcohol. I have not had to do any dishes or pay for anything, and I’ve managed to turn the two-hour drive from home to mom and dad’s house into a two-day road trip.

Christmas. is. awesome. 

During my struggle to NOT talk about work while all of these people demanded I tell them what I’ve been doing lately, I may have mentioned that I write a real blog that actually makes it onto the internet now (versus my old blog entries, which were lucky if they even made it off the scraps of paper I jotted them onto). And then I was faced with the completely obvious, though somehow—to me—completely unexpected, question: what’s it about?

I kind of thought that was a given. It’s about my life. Duh. But I couldn’t really say that, so I muddled through some sort of explanation that probably contained a lot of vague pronouns like “stuff.” And the more I thought about it the more I couldn’t really figure out what I usually write about, because I’m still having a real-world-induced identity crisis.

My old, unpublished, jotted-down-on-scraps-of-paper posts had some sort of identity. I wrote about everything, but mostly I wrote about horses because they were the most important and interesting thing in my life. And if I didn’t write about horses, I probably wrote about college.

I’m no longer a horse person or a student. Gah!

I suppose in a couple of years I’ll be able to write about grad school, which is a pretty decent identity. Or maybe, in a couple of years, I won’t be such a bumbling non-expert at crossfit, and I can write about that. But I’m not really an expert at anything that I do at the moment, because it’s all different from what I’ve been doing for the past 22 years (well, technically, 14 for horses, and 18 for school).

I guess, at the moment, I’m just good at figuring new stuff out and not being afraid to look like an idiot. Can that really be the current theme to my writing? Good gravy.

Somehow I thought writing about this would help me hash it out and bring me to some sort of solid conclusion. Like, now I know my identity as a blogger is         . No such luck. I’ll get back to you with an answer to this quandary in a couple of years. Don’t let me forget. 

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One thought on “christmas and an identity crisis

  1. Take heart that you are not the only long time unpublished blogger trying your hand at the real thing, and not knowing exactly what your blogging identity is! I like to think the focus of my blog is to figure out what I would like to blog about =)

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