I haven’t written a list in a while

Embarrassing things that I’ve done since the last time I wrote (this doesn’t mean I’ve had an especially embarrassing week though—I manage to do a great deal of dumb things on a fairly regular basis):

1. Signed up for a triathlon even though, when other people are swimming, I flail around vaguely in the water making a general ruckus and frightening the other swimmers. Despite L’s most diligent coaching, I simply CANNOT manage to swim and breathe at the same time; it’s basically an either/or situation right now.

I recognize that just signing up for the race is not exactly an embarrassing move. But it will probably lead to some highly embarrassing antics on Sunday. I’m nervous.

2. Found out that I should probably have a hearing aide. During a conversation with a couple of friends, one said to the other “I like your outfit.” Pretty straightforward. What did I hear? “I like your magic marker.” What the heck?!

Of course, I couldn’t just say “What?” like a normal person find out where I’d gone wrong. Instead I blurted out, “What magic marker?” to make sure that everybody in the vicinity knew just how far off base I actually was.

3.  Decided it was alright to turn the floor of my car’s passenger seat into a dumpster. (But at least it’s littered with remnants of Larabars, water bottles, and protein packets –I’m a HEALTHY slob. That makes it ok.) I offered to give someone a ride, realized that I had too much trash and other crap in the front seat and that I couldn’t move it to the back seat because my bike was back there, and had to rescind my offer and make them ride with another friend.

 4. Ate bacon for a snack at work and got greasy bacon fingerprints all over some signed paperwork that had to go into a binder and get shipping out that afternoon. We were in a time crunch and I didn’t have time to reprint it. Also, didn’t really want to ask my boss to resign the papers in case he asked what went wrong with the first set.

5. Just thought of something good for this list and forgot it before I finished typing the last paragraph.

6. Forgot to bring a sports bra with me to crossfit last Friday. Instead of calmly checking to see if the other girls had any extras, I proceeded to make a public announcement of my forgetfulness and then—when no extras were forthcoming—to bounce up and down whining, “But look how much my boobs bounce in this one!”

To their credit, nobody really looked terribly uncomfortable during this demonstration, not even the guys. Coach just rolled his eyes, and Alex assured me that everyone there had definitely seen boobs before, so I shouldn’t worry.

7. Forgot how to spell MY OWN NAME on some insurance paperwork I had to fill out this week. I had to white it out and try again. It’s not a good sign when there’s white out in the NAME section of your paperwork. On the bright side, I also forgot my address and had to white that out too, so maybe they’ll just think I can’t read and that I filled the right information into the wrong boxes. I hope.

Okay, I’ve done a lot of other embarrassing stuff, but it’s either so bad I don’t want to write about it on here (I know, it’s shocking that there’s anything I won’t write about, considering exactly how much I like to overshare) or else not embarrassing enough to have stuck in my head.

I promise there will, eventually, be some sort of race report about Sunday. As long as I don’t drown, that is. If I do, somebody should probably track down L and Doc (who treats my shoulder), and possibly Paul and Maryanne, and peer pressure them into doing something highly embarrassing in retribution.

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