never quite on time for anything

Why are guys with European accents so much hotter than American guys? (Sorry to all of my boring American guy friends.) I’m watching a car commercial right now that is actually making me want the stupid car just because there’s this British guy in the commercial. Marketing. It’s totally working on me.

Happy day after Thanksgiving everyone! As usual, I’m a little behind the times here. All my blogging friends wrote their Thanksgiving posts yesterday. And I meant to. I really did. But I was in such a pie-overdose stupor last night, and I could barely manage the tiny bit of mental capacity it took to stay awake long enough to watch the end of the football game. For some reason, whenever I eat so much that I feel sick (which seems to happen alarmingly often), I somehow think that I can fix the situation by eating MORE food of an alternate variety. You know, like, “Ohhh I feel so sugared out from eating all that pie. Sugar sounds gross right now. You know what would probably make me feel better? Eating more turkey!”

So I’m writing my list today. Except so many of the very many things I’m grateful for are the same things that were on my list last year. And they’re also the same things that are usually on other people’s lists. Not that that makes them insignificant. It just doesn’t make me want to write about them. Let’s see if I can come up with a more creative list. It’s not like we can’t be grateful for the little things too.

Oh how I love to write lists. I am grateful for:

  1. TALL PEOPLE because they make me feel small and, for some reason, I love feeling small. Nothing against short people though. After all, Roomie is almost a certifiable midget. Seriously, if she were an inch shorter, she could get a handicap tag for her car. Maybe, if my best friend wasn’t so little, I wouldn’t have this strange and uncomfortable idea that I am a giant.
  2. MY ROLLING PIN, which can multitask beautifully as a substitute foam roller when I am too lazy to get off the couch and actually roll on the floor like a normal person. Well, relatively normal.
  3. HAIR TIES because, when I wake up in the morning my hair looks like a bunch of wild gerbils spent the night raging civil war on my head. (Ew, did not need that mental image. WHY do I think of these things?) Hair ties are the best, because they make it possible to spend less than 30 seconds turning the gerbil war zone into something I can take to work. What would I do without them?!
  4. WORDS THAT ARE FUN TO SAY, like barbecue, or satellite, or Czechoslovakia. If you are having a kind of annoying day, pick one of these words and say it to yourself a bunch of times. It will make you feel better. Or does that just work on me?
  5. COMMA SPLICES and the fact that 90 percent of the rest of the world doesn’t know how to use a semi colon. Although these things are listed on the pet peeves list of most writers, I choose, instead, to be thankful for them. They give me a job. And I enjoy editing. At the end of the day, I get to feel good about myself and how smart I am every time I fix a comma splice or a misunderstood semicolon instead of feeling annoyed at whoever put it there in the first place.
  6. HARRY POTTER. I will never get tired of rereading these books. Though I don’t actually read them anymore. I just listen to them on tape every night while I fall asleep. The way some people watch TV. They are like comfort food for my brain. The mental equivalent of mom’s macaroni and cheese. There is something magical about these books, besides all of the ACTUAL magic (haha, I’m so funny! I’m pretty sure that was a pun and I didn’t even put it there on purpose), which makes me able to reread them over, and over, and over, and over again.
  7. BUTTER, which is the magical food that makes every other food taste better. I don’t care if it’s paleo or not. How many foods have the quality to improve almost any other food they come in contact with, even if they are not super fantastic all by themselves? It would be great if people tried to be more like butter. Maybe that will be my New Year’s resolution this year: be more butter-like. Done.

For some reason seven seems like a good place to stop. Did you know that seven is the most powerfully magical number? No? Is that because you have not read each of the Harry Potter books 20 times a piece. That’s probably a good thing. Way to be normal and well adjusted; I applaud you.

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