oops, this isn’t a real post; it might be boring

“Stop being so negative! You’re all like ‘my legs hurt,’ and ‘I can’t do handstand walking.’”

I couldn’t quite tell if L was being serious or not because she finished this remark by sticking her tongue out at me and then licking her nose with it. Freaky.

I wanted to respond by pointing out how it’s easy to be positive when you can do handstand pirouettes and have the fastest wod time on the board. But I thought that might come across as being negative, so I just stuck out my own tongue and didn’t say anything.

But now I keep wondering  how I could have turned into a negative person in the one place where I am happiest to be. It’s true though. This was definitely not the first time the words “I can’t” have come out of my mouth in the past few weeks. And even though there are a lot of things I really CAN’T do (yet), that never used to bother me. I never used to say it out loud.

I’m sorry y’all, but this blog post isn’t really for you. It’s one of those times when I just need to write in my journal and my journal happens to be published on the internet.

I used to be fine with the fact that I OFTEN had the slowest time on the board. I was happy about it. I used to leave feeling good when I tried hard, no matter what my time was. Often, I didn’t even look at the board before I left. Because it didn’t really matter what anyone else had gotten.

Now, I’ve gotten used to being one of the fast people, and it’s become alarmingly important to me that I stay that way.

Know what I think? I think it’s the competitions. They make me compare my score with everyone else’s.  I’ve spent too much time strategizing, and scheming, and picking hypothetical teammates for the next one. And wondering if my times are good enough that anybody is picking me as their hypothetical teammate. I’m competitive. I don’t need anything to make me MORE competitive. I need to cut myself off. Not completely. They’re too much fun to not do at all, and I’ve got a couple more that I’ve already paid for. But after that, I’m going to be done for a while.

Writing bad things down has always helped me wrap my head around them, since before I was even much of a writer. So here it goes:

I will not let someone else’s number get to my head. This is me letting it go. I’m not giving up; I will work as hard as ever. I just need to let it go. I think not competing will help.

Oh, and since I’m already writing stuff down to make it happen: I CAN do a muscle up. I can, I can, I can.

lists of disconnected stuff seem to be my thing lately

I promise I will write a better list soon. 

So, there is a note written on the back of my hand that says (I think, it’s a little faded) “IRS paperwork.” This doesn’t sound promising. Also, I have no idea what paperwork it is referring to, and the note looks about two days old. But now that I look a bit more closely, maybe it says “IRA paperwork.” Still don’t know what that’s about, but it’s much less scary.

I’m in the mood for a list today, and an obvious topic would be, things that happened since the last blog post I wrote a really long time ago.

1. CHRISTMAS. Christmas happened, and I had a stomach bug. Who has the worst timing ever? This girl. Well, actually, my sister was sick on Thanksgiving, so I really can’t claim to have the WORST timing. Maybe it’s genetic? Anyhoo it wasn’t that bad of a stomach bug, but I felt sick and had a horrible stomach ache whenever I ate anything. However, when I was hungry, I felt fantastic! Except that I was hungry. Which, if you know me, you know is not okay.

2. LEARNING HOW KILOGRAMS WORK. For Christmas, L got me a USAW membership. I did not get her anything. I am a horrible friend. BUT as she was quick to point out, the main reason she got me the membership was so I could be peer pressured into doing oly lifting competitions with her. This is something new we’re dabbling in, and L’s friend Mario offered to coach us and help us figure everything out. Mostly, helping us figure things out entails doing a lot of conversions in his head between pounds (crossfit speak) and kilos (lifting speak). I realized after the first (tiny) lifting meet we attended that I had, very intelligently, failed to find out how much I actually lifted that day. I just told Mario my previous max for each lift, in pounds, and let him throw weights onto a bar for me. I think my total was 120 for both lifts? Or something. I’m very scientific about this.

3. TURNING INTO THE SAME PERSON AS L. Well, this is an ongoing process, but when we had to weigh in for our lifting meet, we discovered that L and I weigh EXACTLY the same thing. Down to the quarter kilo. It was freaky. Although, she drank a bigger coffee than I did beforehand, so I’m going to claim that I actually weigh more than she does. Either way, we were both astonished to discover that we weighed less than previously imagined and pledged to eat more from now on. Which hasn’t really been that tough since this all took place four days before Christmas.

4. NOT GETTING FIRED FROM MY JOB. Year-end performance evaluations stress me the hell out. But it turns out, I’m still okay at my job. Phew. Glad that’s over with. I should have a party. Oh wait, my friends are already having a big old party on New Year’s Eve, and I’m opting not to go because I don’t like parties that start after my bedtime. What is WRONG with me??

5. READING WHEN I SHOULD BE WRITING. Sooo I kinda figured I would catch up on my blog posts and other writing things while I had a few days off around Christmas, but then I started reading Divergent. And I finished reading it too. And then I had to go out and buy the second book in the trilogy. Guys, I paid good money for something I could have gotten totally free at the library. But I just couldn’t wait for all the other people who had a hold on the book to finish with it. I just couldn’t. So obviously, if I wanted it badly enough to go out and BUY it, little things like blog posting and, uh, bathroom cleaning are not going to be a priority until I’m done with all three books. Oh yeah, I may have bought the third one too. Well, actually, I talked my mom into buying it for me, so that’s totally fine.

I promise, more than six things have happened to me in the last month. But I’ve suddenly realized that I am out of time for this post, and I have a feeling that if I bother to save it to work on later, it’s just going to become one of those posts that never  goes up at all. And I feel like a slacker for only writing three times this month. So I have to publish this one. Happy Friday everyone!

an unfortunate combination of inattention and brightly colored clothing

So there’s this picture of Coach flipping a tire at the fundraiser WOD we hosted before he went to the games. I noticed that it seems to have shown up in a lot of places since then. And for good reason. It’s a phenomenal picture. The quality and the setting and the subject are all stunning.

But once you finally get over staring at Coach’s abs (and this is easier said than done), you may notice that someone has wandered into the background of this photo, as people so often tend to do. Although there were dozens and dozens of people at the fundraiser that day, only one singular person managed to find their way into this particular picture. Now that you’re looking, it’s hard to believe you didn’t notice this person right away because she is wearing a somewhat shocking combination of neon orange shirt and neon pink shorts. Some people struggle to dress themselves for even the most ordinary occasions.

The blunders of this unfortunate neon individual sadly do not end with simply wandering into the backdrop of what is about to become a fairly popular photo. No, the person who accidentally strolled into the photo with Coach (and, bear in mind, just being in a photo with Coach makes almost anyone else look less than fantastic by comparison) also happens to be scratching her bum.

Utter horror.

Friends, you have correctly deduced that the oblivious, brightly colored, bum scratching individual in the picture is me. I can’t even act surprised when things like this happen to me anymore.

This picture was published in a surprising number of places over the summer, until finally its relative fame seemed to diminish. But last night, I noticed that the professional photographer who took the picture has used it yet AGAIN as the cover photo for his business. The thing simply refuses to die and be forgotten.

I would have simply died from embarrassment a long time ago if I was the type of person who suffered from such afflictions. Thankfully, the sheer number of embarrassing things I do on a daily basis has successfully desensitized me, and now I only feel mildly unsettled every time I see this photo again. And again.

And again.

P.S. I know you’re all probably dying to see the picture now, but as I don’t have the rights to it, I can’t post it here. Such a shame.

writing is harder than reading is harder than napping … and some wine

Wow, reading is so much easier than writing. Have you ever noticed that? Even the sort of brain-dump writing that I do on here. I got onto the computer to write a blog post, and instead I got sidetracked reading everyone else’s blog posts. So much less effort required for that process. But really, I started reading to give me some ideas of what to write about. It didn’t really work. Nothing exciting to report now that Thanksgiving is over.

So I’ll just write about stuff that happened before I got sucked into a turkey and wine educed stupor. I can mess with the timeline like that because this is my blog, and I rule the world. Of my blog, that is. It’s a very tiny world, but you’re in it, so hey, I rule you. Bring me pie. Or something.

Subject change! (Careful, they sneak up on you.) I have a habit of falling asleep in really strange places. I was never one of the kids that slept in class, but if I’m tired and not much is going on, I just pass out for a few minutes because why not? Well, I have now officially discovered that Thanksgiving parties are particularly lousy places to fall asleep. Because all of your friends immediately feel the need to procure photographic evidence of you napping. As if they had never seen anyone sleeping at a party before. Wtf?

I was asleep for 20 minutes AT THE VERY MOST, but somehow, about a dozen pictures showed up on facebook later. But it really wasn’t even my fault. Colleen was the one who started it all. She wanted to go wine tasting before the party. And since I can’t bear the thought of my friends doing fun things without me, I wanted to go too. Now, for a normal person, wine tasting is a somewhat different experience from wine drinking. But when you have almost entirely given up drinking anything at all (except water), wine tasting actually involves consuming a shockingly large amount of alcohol in a fairly short time. Leading to . . .

“Did Anna have more wine that the rest of you guys or something?”

Image

“I don’t think so. Anna, how much did you drink?”

“Umm, one round plus four!”

What I meant was, of course, that I had tried every wine once and then sneakily gone back for four of my favorites over again. Of course it came out sounding like some sort of wine-tasting WOD score. Of course it did.

So how could I be blamed for napping at the party?

 How were the rest of my wine-tasting buddies NOT falling asleep? I mean, I didn’t even win the wine tasting WOD. I’m pretty sure Colleen had at least one round plus 12. She’s an expert.