I become extremely devious under the influence of too much sugar and red food coloring

I ate fifteen Twizzlers yesterday.  FIFTEEN of those individually wrapped, strawberry flavored pieces of heaven. I have no willpower in this area. A truly giant container of these things appeared in the office yesterday, and, even though I have a strong suspicion that Twizzlers are probably made out of plastic, sugar and red food coloring, I continued to shove them into my mouth as if I was 100% convinced that they were the cure for a post-crossfit-competition Monday hangover.

The problem with all those individually wrapped little pieces of candy is that now everyone could tell who had eaten half the container just by looking in my trash basket. I can’t imagine that anyone really has all that much interest in my trash basket, but it was very incriminating nonetheless.

At one point, our resident candy fiend, John, came over and started wondering aloud how many calories were in a Twizzler. It was discovered that there were exactly thirty calories per piece. I’m sure for John, who once ate 1,400 calories worth of York Peppermint Patties in one day (I am not exaggerating), this number wasn’t in the least bit alarming. But I started to feel slightly disgruntled. Hmmm, 30 calories a piece multiplied by … a whole bunch.

This was the point at which I whipped out my otherwise empty trash bin and started counting the wrappers. And this is the reason I had such an accurate number to start this post with. I did not eat ABOUT fifteen Twizzlers, or ALMOST fifteen Twizzlers, or AT LEAST fifteen Twizzlers. I ate EXACTLY fifteen Twizzlers. Which, in case you don’t want to go through the trouble of digging out your calculator like I did, is equal to 450 calories.

Now, I’m not the type of person who is at all worried about the number of calories I consume. But really. 450 calories worth of strawberry-flavored plastic?? I decided I was done with Twizzlers for the day (not too taxing on my willpower, as I only had a half hour left at work). I also decided that, while I had all the wrappers neatly piled on my desk, I may as well get rid of the evidence. I went looking for John and when I made the happy discovery that he was not at his desk, I threw them all in his bin instead.

Mission accomplished.

I have only eaten three Twizzlers so far today … but it IS only lunchtime.

Mission sort of accomplished. 


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