You can only truly be best friends with someone when they share your biggest priorities in life. Like not talking the whole time on long car rides and prioritizing food above convenience, or anything else. Yeah, mostly the food thing.
Kass and I had a labor-day-weekend trip to the Delaware beach this weekend. Together, we are not very savvy travelers. At least we discovered, repeatedly, that we don’t understand the concept of stopping for food “on the way” to anywhere.
“Ok, we’ve got snacks and coffee, so we just need to stop and get sandwiches or something on the way there.”
Kass was more enthusiastic about this idea than would seem appropriate to any person other than me. “Oh my god, yes! Oh can we please stop and get hoagies at Wawa? I’m dying for one of those.”
As we got closer and closer to the end of our two-hour drive, I was starting to worry that we might somehow have chosen the only possible route from my house to Delaware that did not take us past one single Wawa. I was not going to be able to handle my life if we got to the beach and had no lunch to eat. I pointed this out to Kass with the additional notation that we had passed about 58 similar Wawa-equivalent sandwich stores.
“Oh no, we can’t go to Royal Farms.” I was told as we zoomed past one such stop, “Wawa is way better. Actually, I’ve never been to a Royal Farms, but Wawa must be better. That doesn’t make sense, but I don’t know, brand loyalty or something.”
Finally, we had to resort to googling store locations near our destination and programming a detour into the gps. So we could get exactly the right kind of sandwich that we had been looking forward to for half the morning. Which was probably exactly the same kind of sandwich we could have gotten anywhere else.
But you can’t know that for sure.
Don’t start shaking your head and rolling your eyes at us yet though, at least wait until I tell you that we had to do pretty much the same thing all over again on the way home. It was a quest for Chipotle this time: an adventure that involved 20 minutes on Google, driving a half hour out of the way, getting stuck behind the slowest 18-wheeler in history, a spontaneous and useless detour in attempt to not be stuck any longer behind said 18-wheeler, and a fair amount of road rage on my part (I wasn’t even driving).
“God, what the fuck?? He’s just making a right turn! He can keep moving. There’s no need to stop and THEN turn right. What the heck is is problem?!”
“Don’t get hangry on me dear.”
“I’m not hangry! I’m just hungry. And angry. Cause this dude can’t drive! But I’m not hangry.”